Thursday, October 16, 2008

Rapha Roller Race

Can this picture be any more ridiculous? "New Kids On the Bike"... Embarrassing to say the least.

Last weekend, Cyclepath Racing was invited to participate in the Rapha Roller Race as part of the Oregon Manifest festivities.

More info on the race over at bikeportland

I was one of the guys on the team that opted to do the race. Gant, one of the other guys did a great write up that I am going to paraphrase below.

5:34 p.m. We get a late scratch. So we're down to Folske, Porter and Endo, but a quick call to the shop and Hutchins is on board. The guys a gamer. Love it. But all he's got to race in are jeans and a Cyclepath Racing wind vest. Turns out he is the best dressed in our group. Damn, where's Herr when you need him? We will appoint Herr creative director next year in charge of getting our team some proper costumes.

5:52 p.m. The organizers give us an orientation, which some teams, like the ones who have been drinking since noon, need more than others. We are sized for bikes and given
the general format from the organizer. It's also our only chance to spin the little gear on the bike and get an idea of what we've gotten ourselves into.

6:18 p.m. We get the last beer at the beer tent across the street at the Manifest show. The four of us share it and head up Broadway to 7-11 for a six pack.

7:01 Back in the riders holding pen, know also as the "Green Room" and it's all nervous energy now. Teams are huddled together, sizing each other up, trying to look deep in
each others eyes to see if one among us knows the secret to flailing their legs the fastest over 500 meters. Actually, it's more like a Portland cycling frat party, which is to say a really weird frat house.

Team Zoobomb is clearly (acting) the drunkest and exposing more skin than some of us might like to see. The de facto leader sports a badge, police hat, fanny pack, sparkly, blue short shorts and a matching sports bra. "Hottie Patrol" is scrawled on his bare shoulder.

A Veloshop rider sports white underwear over her cycling bibs, a white wig and a riding crop which she is not afraid to use on anyone passing by.

There's also Team Sabotage in full Beastie's period outfits, The River City chicks... hair everywhere. Team Beer is there of course. They seem to be communicating mostly in mono syllables and hand gestures. They cheer loudly at the slightest provocation. Many other good costumes but this is a good representative sample.

7:16 I can't handle the anticipation so I hit the massage table for a quick rub down. Seriously, they had two massage therapists there for the riders.

7:42 A rider from one of the teams seems to be taking a "nap".

8:12 It's go time and Porter is up in the first round. He gives it the gas on the blue bike, but it's not enough to fend off sudden death.

8:35 I'm up and just get my ass handed to me. I'm also on the blue bike, so Porter and I are pretty sure the blue bike is shite.

9:07 Xterra National Champ Folske rocks the helmet cam and fights the good fight. The best Cyclepath showing so far, but alas, second place isn't enough to advance.

9:29 Hutchins, a self-proclaimed expert at races under a minute, shows he isn't bluffing and takes round 16 with ease. A great ride and restores Cyclepath racing street cred.

Joshua moves on to the Semi's and is knocked out. Bummer...

Megan and I leave to get some beers and dinner at 5th Quadrant and call it a night.

One of the team Sabotage riders from Seattle won the Signal Cycles frames. Nice work... Those frames are sweet.

For anyone reading this, this is satirical... No offense intended.



Anonymous said...

We all like to have fun on a bike. As long as we don't run into body-snobs like you guys. Yuck. Just go out there and have fun and lay off other folks. Even people without perfect bodies should be encouraged to have active fun.

Anonymous said...

I see that zoobomb doesn't think much of you "fat Haters" either...

Daniel said...

This posting was meant to be satirical. Sorry I offended folks. Post has now been edited to be less offensive.

BTW: If you are wearing a spandex (blue brassier or otherwise and letting your ass hang out (i.e. literally pulling your shorts down to show everyone in the room your crack, you are bound to get hassled and obviously did so to get noticed.

You guys & girls can't be too offended... 3 of the 4 of us didn't make it past the 1st round and I know at least one guy from your group made it to the semis, so lighten up (no pun intended)

It's all in good fun. Keep reading though :)

Anonymous said...

Nice edits!